The Inside Scoop to Happiness

In 2015 I was told that a small spot on my nose looked suspicious, and I should have it looked at further. I went to a plastic surgeon in Kansas City where I was living at the time, had it removed and was told the pathology report indicated that there was nothing to worry about. It was in situ, which refers to cancer in which abnormal cells have not spread beyond where they first formed and are not cancerous. Whew.

Three months later a small lump appeared under my chin, and within two weeks I was told I now had stage three melanoma. I had it removed, and a few weeks later they ran scans to see where else in my body the melanoma had metastasized. When I showed up at the oncologist’s office, I was told cancer had not spread anywhere else in my body. Good news until the doctor informed me within the same breath, there was a seventy -percent chance it would return within the year and I was basically toasted.

Sometime that week I decided I better find out what really mattered to me since my clock was ticking fast. There were only two things, aside from staying alive of course. One was to continue to be a writer and singer and the other was to hang out with my dog Bosco.

I discovered a few major things about myself around that time. One was that I no longer wanted anything more to do with toxic people or stress. The other is I wanted to move to San Diego, CA where I could wear shorts in February, write by the beach while scratching Bosco’s ears. The third was I needed to live a life that would make me happy. When you’re given a two -year window to live, you better not f*ck it up.

Fast forward to five years. The cancer never returned, I live in San Diego, and make my living writing and teaching folks about what really matters and happiness, while strumming my dulcimer all over the place.

Here is what I’ve learned about happiness. It comes and it goes. That’s the truth. Nobody is happy a hundred percent of the time. The trick is to find out what really matters to YOU, create a life around that, stick to your guns and you’ll be happy most of the time. I learned and teach how to ride the waves in life like a soul surfer.

Most days are very- beautiful for me. After all, I live in San Diego! Some days are less pleasant. There are bills, phone calls, emails, the shit I don’t like to deal with, but I’ve learned how to surf the waves in life and not let it consume me.
Here’s one of my favorite analogies about happiness and life. When there is a storm on the ocean, the waves can be tremendously dangerous. But, if you dive just a few feet down, the ocean is calm.

People ask me all the time if I meditate, do yoga, am spiritual, etc.- basically, how do I stay happy? I look at happiness as the root of a tree. The tree has branches. Lots of them, and on the branches are smaller branches. Meditation, yoga, techniques that calm the mind and bring a smile to your face are all just branches. The root system is what keeps the tree anchored in the ground and supplies the support for the branches, flowers, leaves, and fruit. Knowing who you are is your root system. Knowing what really matters to you is your root system. Knowing how to get back on the horse when life throws you off is the root system. The other stuff is nice but won’t bring you happiness.

I beat cancer naturally, and to me nothing that happens can ever be as difficult as living with a death sentence for an entire year, waiting to see if it comes back and kills you. Trust me. If I can survive that, I can plow through anything.

Every day at three I make a cup of amazing coffee, eat a cookie, and simply sit there for twenty minutes or so. I turn off the phone. I don’t look at email. It’s just me, my cookie and Bosco. It’s pretty damn wonderful. The rest of my time is spent writing and speaking to and with people about true happiness, exercising, cooking, making music, and other fun stuff.

How one achieves happiness varies depending on who you ask. You can get answers from scientists, guru’s, books, webinars, YouTube, Ted Talks and on and on. I find most of the information fluff. I tried many of those things and they never worked for me. What did work was becoming my own best friend, listening to my gut, doing what really matters to me, and sharing whatever I know with others.
There is no right or wrong way to happiness. I’ve known multi-millionaires who are miserable and people who are considered ‘special needs’ very, very happy. Happiness is a choice. I work with people and teach them what I know and when they have a breakthrough and ‘get it’, I’m super happy. They are too.

Whatever you feel or think about being happy, or ways in which you try to move your life in that direction, I hope you find a strong root system. I want to assure you that it’s your right in life to be happy. There is help if you need it, and choices to be made. Find your root system and there will always be shade when life’s heat gets a little too intense. From Joni Mitchell. “Happiness is the best facelift”.
Kevin